Confidence isn’t just for the good times. In fact, the mark of a truly confident person is that they maintain their confidence when times are bad. People who are only confident when things are going well for them have a fragile confidence that you can’t really call true confidence.

So how do truly confident people maintain their self-esteem when things get rough? Well, part of confidence is knowing that you can deal with whatever situation comes your way. In other words, you have the ability to deal with problems. Let’s face it, problems are a part of life. It’s even been said, if you’re not having problems, you’re probably dead.

So it makes sense that we should learn to deal with problems as best we can. But if dealing with problems is a sign of confidence, conversely having confidence can help us deal with problems. It’s kind of a self-powering loop. The better you get at solving problems, the more you confident you feel. The more confident you feel, the better your attitude, and therefore it will be more likely that you will be able to solve problems.

So how do we get better at solving problems? We get practice! We deal with every single small problem we can find and then build our way up to larger and larger problems.

The key to problem solving is keep a solution focus. Don’t get too hung up on the problem. You can spend all day thinking about the problem and make yourself feel worse and worse. Instead focus on the solution. Have faith that you can find a solution.

First of all, define the problem. Write it down on paper if you need to. Then start trying to come up with solutions. Write as many as you can. At least 20. Yes 20! The more the better. Often people find that the 20th is the best solution. Once you have written down as many solutions as you can, pick the best three or four. Apply the solution to your life. If it works, great, you just solved a problem! If it doesn’t try the second, third or fourth options. Repeat until this works.

If you can, also ask the help of someone who has had a similar problem before. Why reinvent the wheel? If they already have found a solution, you can borrow theirs’ and avoid the time taken to discover it yourself.

Once you get good at problem solving, you will feel more and more confident.

One of the best foundations of confidence is a full and honest knowledge of your strengths.

From when we are young, we get told it’s bad to be “proud” of your achievements. We should be modest and humble. We shouldn’t show off. This is all great advice, but many of us take it so seriously, that we stop acknowledging that we have any strengths. Many of us, so beaten down by the waves of life, stop believing that we even have any strengths.

Of course, if you are one of those people who think that you don’t have any strengths, I’m sorry, but you are so very wrong. The problem is you’ve gotten so used to ignoring your strengths that you’ve forgotten them.
One of the most useful exercises to do is to write down a list of your strengths. But I don’t want a list of 2 or 3 strengths. That’s not nearly enough. I want 50 strengths. I can already hear you recoiling in horror. How can you possibly find 50 strengths? Well, the funny thing is that once you start looking for something, there is a tendency to find it.

Have you ever decided to buy a car and picked a certain color, for example, red. After you leave the car showroom, you will suddenly start noticing red cars everywhere. Once you start looking for something, you will find it. Once you start looking for strengths, you will find them. Sure, a few might be a bit of a struggle and might seem a bit trivial (e.g. “I can tie my own shoelaces”) but that’s ok. Once you get to the 50, you’ll look at the list and see some real gems. Strengths that you hadn’t even thought about.

But we’re not finished yet. Our idea of what our strengths are is always going to be distorted. To get a better picture of your strengths you need to get an objective opinion. To do this, ask 4 or 5 people to tell you some of your strengths. If they ask you why you’re asking them this, come up with some plausible excuse (e.g. “it’s part of my quarterly evaluation”).

You will be amazed at what some of your friends will tell you are your strengths. There will be things that you didn’t even realize were strengths. Things that you had taken for granted. It’ll be a real eye-opener. And you can even be nice, and tell them their strengths too.

Remember, even if you don’t acknowledge them, you do have strengths. You are stronger than you imagine. Honor your strengths, remember them and use them every day.

Do you have something that you’d really like to do but your fear of what others will say stops you from doing it? If so, you’re not alone. Many people will stop themselves from pursuing new opportunities or chasing their dreams because of the fear of what friends, family or colleagues will say.

Guess what? Success attracts criticism.

Successful people must be confident enough to weather criticism. They must be strong enough to believe that what they are doing is right and good for them. Without confidence, success is difficult, since there will always be people ready to tell you that what you’re doing is “impossible”.

One good things to remember when you are criticized is:

Criticism is common and over-rated. By doing anything that causes change (including becoming successful or chasing a dream), you will attract criticism mainly from people who fear that your success or aspirations will make them look bad. Don’t let this stop you from doing what you need to do.

As Jean Sebelis said “Pay no attention to what the critics say. A statue has never been erected in honor of a critic.”

The real antidote to criticism is a strong self-confidence. Build yours up and you will be able to face down the harshest of critics!

Do you know how confident people make decisions?

They make them quickly and firmly. The fact is, decisiveness is confidence in action.

A person who is confident in their thoughts and actions makes decisions quickly. They don’t hesitate. Why would they? They are confident in their judgement.

How do you make decisions? Most people are not confident. And most people are not decisive. They take a long time to make decisions. They hesitate. They “um” and “ah” and even after they have finally made a decision, they second-guess whether it was a good decision or not.

This is not for you. If you are to be the confident person you know you are, then you need to be decisive. By being decisive you will be giving yourself a huge advantage over everyone else you know. It’s worth the effort to focus on decisiveness.

It’s interesting, but most people don’t know what they want. They say vague things like “I want more money” or “I want a job that doesn’t suck”. But that’s not the same as knowing what you want.

Knowing what you want means that you know exactly what you are aiming for. If you want more money, you know exactly how much money you are aiming for. If you want a better job, you know exactly what kind of job would make you happy.

Don’t worry if you don’t know immediately what exactly you want. The point is, that should be your aim. To get absolute clarity about what you want. Always be thinking about what you want. Don’t waste time thinking about what you don’t want.

Confident people know exactly what they want in life.And when you know what you want, you make it much easier to get it!

Remember, developing your confidence doesn’t happen by accident. You need to focus on it every day.

So it’s that time of year when people decide to make resolutions. Stop smoking, lose weight, improve confidence.

It’s already January 6 and for most people their resolutions are already a distant memory.

If you thought that you would make 2010 a great year by improving your confidence then I commend you. Confidence is the foundation upon which all achievement takes place.

But I would urge you to take the setting of the goal as seriously as the goal itself. If you want to achieve your goal of becoming more confident, you need to plan things properly and make sure that you keep progressing.

Making changes to yourself is exciting stuff. But don’t fall into the trap of expecting overnight results. The best way to make sure you achieve your goal is to make small changes every day. As long as each day you are progressing towards your goal, you will eventually get there.

Think about how you learnt to walk, talk or drive. You didn’t decide on New Years Eve that you would suddenly drive, and then the next day you were speeding down the freeway. Anything worthwhile requires a bit of effort and time. If you can master driving, I’m more than confident that you can master confidence. You just need the right teacher and the right system (and of course the commitment to learn).

I don’t want to keep telling you about how incredible the 30 Day Confidence Builder Program is, but the point is it is a system. Unlike other confidence books you might buy in a bookstore, I have designed the program to be easy to follow. You basically get guided through 30 days with knowledge and practical exercises towards greater confidence. As long as you are serious about becoming more confident, all you need to do is follow the simple, easy, quick program and you will notice your confidence skyrocketing.

Imagine looking back at this year on December 31st and seeing how much more confident you are. Think of all the things you would have done with that new confidence. The new job, the new partner, the exciting experiences that only open up to confident people. It’s all within your grasp. Will you take the opportunity for 2010?

Do you feel anxious when you walk into a crowded room of strangers? Most people do.

When you walk into a challenging social situation like that, what is going through your mind? If you’re like most people you will be totally focussed on what everyone is thinking of YOU.

“Everyone’s looking at me”

“Everyone can tell I’m nervous”

“Everyone can see I’m not talking to anyone”

The thing is, when you focus on yourself, all it does is make things worse. The fact is even if someone did notice you standing there alone, the thoughts that are going through their mind all relate back to them.

“That person is standing alone. She’s looking at me. She can see that I’m standing alone. I bet she thinks I look nervous”

Most people can’t take the focus off themselves. It’s all about them.

But what if you took the focus off yourself? What if you stopped worrying about yourself and instead worried about others. What if you were more concerned about the person standing nervously alone next to the drinks table, than about your own nervousness? If you don’t know the answer to that question, let me tell you. As soon as you take the focus of yourself, you will feel MUCH less nervous.

Try it at your next social gathering. Focus on making other people feel less nervous. You’ll find it so much easier to socialize and the bonus is, it makes you much more likeable too!

Hi, Welcome to howtogainconfidence.net!

We spend a lot of time trying to improve ourselves. We work out at the gym, we take training courses, we read books. But have you ever thought about this? You could be the most skilled, talented and good looking person in the world but if you have no confidence in yourself then you are never going to succeed.

Confidence is crucial. It is the essential quality that everyone needs. A person who isn’t good looking, isn’t talented and has very little else going for them can run circles around others if they are confident in themselves.

• Confident people inspire others.

• Confident people are attractive.

• Confident people are likeable.

• Confident people take action while others stand around worried.

• Confident people live their life on their terms.

You may think that confidence is something you are born with and there’s not much that you can do about it. But this site is here to convince you that confidence is not out of the reach of anyone. It’s a learnable skill. You can be conditioned to feel confident. And once you feel confident, you can kiss goodbye to your old life, because things will never be the same again!

This site is made for people who want to live the life they think they were made to. You can only do that with confidence. And the fastest way to confidence is with my 30 Day Confidence Builder Program. It takes only 8 minutes a day!

Check out the 30 Day Confidence Builder Program (and thank me later!)

Doctor K